Growing together
by Lise Blodeuwedd
Summary: Mandy reflects on the relationship between her brother and her best friend.


Never in a million years would I have imagined them together. Not only because I could never have imagined my brother was gay before I actually got to know it, but because, as far as I knew, they had nothing in common. Sure, they were both from Southside Chicago and around the same age, but that was it. Ian was sweet and caring, always worrying about everyone's well-being and asking me how my day was, helping me with school stuff and boy stuff and just pretty much anything he thought I needed, even when I didn't really need it. Mickey didn't care about anyone but himself, and his idea of looking out for me was beating up boys when I asked him. He never talked about feelings and even the idea of having friends sounded foreign to him. Mickey wasn't passionate about anything, not even sports or music or food; he liked stuff, but never showed that he liked something (or someone) too much, and physical signs of affection were rare and left to special occasions only, whereas Ian was nearly always hugging her, kissing her and holding her hand. Ian was honest (well, mostly) and hard-working, and he really went to school and studied, because he had big dreams, those dreams of going to the college or to the army, then dreams of being someone important, of having a real career and getting out of the shitty neighborhood they lived in. Mickey was the prime example of that neighborhood, abandoning school because he knew it wouldn't make any difference, he'd still amout to nothing, would be worth nothing. He'd gotten a job only because he was forced to by his probation worker, but he couldn't care less about it, knew he'd never make real money out of it, and chose dealing drugs as a "career" because it was the only thing he felt he was competent enough to do. Ian was easygoing and never really got angry, at least not with me. He and Lip used to fight a lot, but Ian hardly ever argued with anyone else, accepting things he couldn't change or running away from them. When he did, it was almost always through words and trying to use reason. Mickey was short-tempered and always let his anger get the best of him, using fists and feet as weapons, the only words leaving his mouthwere profanities. They were nothing alike, and it took me a while to understand how they'd even happened to get together; sometimes I still don't quite get it. But other times… Other times like right now, when they're sitting on the porch next to me, drinking beer and smoking a joint, and Ian is laughing so hard at something that Mickey's said that his whole body is shaking and he isn't making any sound, and Mickey pushes his shoulder and calls him and idiot, but can't help but smile too and look at Ian wish such a fond look that I can almost see hearts in his eyes, on times like this I totally get it. Because it was Ian who made Mickey care for someone that not himself, made him open himself up to love and be loved, to believe in that love and trust it, to put someone's well-being before his, to show affection (even if not in public places, he was still not there yet); and it was because of Mickey that Ian learned to think about himself first, to make himself happy before others and to care more for his own happiness. Because of Mickey, Ian learned not to admit defeat and to fight for himself, for them, and because of Ian, Mickey learned to control himself a bit more and not punch everyone he felt like,and to use words to talk about his feelings or just ignore what wasn't worthy. Because of Mickey, Ian had realized that it was not the end of the world if he didn't get all his dreams and that he could still be happy as long as he had people he loved around him; that being grounded wasn't a terrible thing and that daydreaming could crush your spirit, but having plans and back-up plans and realistic expectations was a way to get the things you wanted. And because of Ian, Mickey had allowed himself to make those plans, to want to be a better person and believe that he actually could be; he was studying to get a GED and actually putting effort in it, he was letting himself have dreams, even if tiny ones, and plans for the future – their future. Yes, they were still the same people at heart: Ian was the one hugging her most of the time, and making plans, and Mickey still fought harder and longer, but they had learned with each other, they had grown and matured, and they kept on growing and becoming better people, with and for each other. So, at times like this, when Ian laughs and stucks his tongue out at Mickey, and Mickey steals the beer from Ian's hand and kisses him quickly, when I see how happy they make each other… Yeah, I totally get it.


End file.
